I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I were diagnosed with cancer. I lack the will to live, but I'm really fucking scared of death. I guess I would freak, or maybe there's that slight chance I'll just accept it willingly, because being caught in this vicious cycle has been eating away at my ability to reason for a while now.
I dream of running away, but I question my capabilities on survival, once luxuries are removed, and there isn't anyone to place the blame for my circumstances.
Being this way feels like a burden on to the people around me, and I don't know how to change. I don't think I even want to.
You're only drowning if you're fighting, right? But when you let go, it all seems so still, and serene. When you say it like that, the water looks so beautiful.
