You don't know me, but your absence has left a certain effect on me.
I've left this empty in the pile of drafts for a while now. I have plenty on my mind I'd like to say to you, but I don't know how to articulate them, not even right now. But if I don't do this now, I probably never will, so I have to at least try. So in the silence of this room at this moment, hopefully my thoughts are clearer and the words come out naturally,...honestly.
Denny said this a few times before, that we'd be an awesome trio. I can't disagree with him, not when he speaks of you so endearingly, and tells me everything of the amazing, wonderful person that you are. In fact, I don't feel I will ever be good enough of a person to hang out with either of you. Anyway, I digress. I've gone through your blogs, all three of them, and every single page. The positive, the darkness, and the dreams. It felt a little strange, like I was getting to know you, but you're not really there. Not anymore. My heart sank a little every time I was reaching towards the end. I knew that that was it.
I've never had the pleasure of meeting or knowing you personally, but Denny always spoke of you with such fondness. I was always a little envious, even now. However, it wasn't just Denny, was it? It was everyone whose lives you've come into touch with. Your gentle disposition moved hearts like how the gods would move mountains. The impact was irrevocable, and when you were gone, you left a hollowness in the shape of you - nothing else would suffice as replacement.
You serve as a testament of better times. It's been very difficult since you've been gone. Denny especially needs you, and you're not here. I don't know what to do or say to make him feel better, and I know Denny always seeks you out. You'd have the right words for him.
I love him very, very much; as much as I know you do. It kills me to know that there is nothing I can do, and that he will always seek refuge in you, even if you're not really here. Compared to you, I am an outsider. I can deal with being a nobody to him; I just want to be able to make him smile, hear him laugh, say the right things to keep him sane and going.
So dearest Tobias, as you now reside among the stars, tell me what to do. Please?
